what really happens in the mysterious one-on-one behaviour conversation

A possible framework for managing one-on-one behaviour chats with students

It’s pretty common advice to be told that if a student is exhibiting unwanted/disruptive behaviours in the classroom to chat with them one-on-one outside of class about this. What is significantly less common is any real guidance on what actually happens in these conversations. Both the Victorian and NSW Departments of Education suggest the “respectful removal of students from class” (NSW Government) as a potential classroom management strategy, and both state in some form that the teacher should identify the underlying causes for the misbehaviour, so that they can address this directly to support the student. Now, this is fine and all, but how do you figure out why a student is demonstrating a particular behaviour? And then what do you even do with that information to address it?

Luckily, or maybe a symptom of issues in teacher preparedness from ITEs, teachers have become very good at asking colleagues for help. However, even when you ask staff what they’ve said/done during these one-on-one chats, the information is rarely useful. If these conversations were as simple as being a one-size-fits-all approach to classroom management, we would all share and use the same technique. Given the current challenges Australian teachers are facing with student behaviours in the classroom, it’s pretty clear that a nuanced approach is needed. So let’s open the door on a possible framework for managing the one-on-one behaviour intervention chat. What you will notice is that I won’t always acknowledge the behaviour until late in the conversation with students. This is done intentionally to allow students to naturally de-escalate and get to a point where we can have a productive conversation about it.

As a disclaimer, I am by no means a behaviour management expert, so feel free to chime in with additional suggestions or strategies, but this strategy works pretty well for me, and I hope will provide a starting point for those of you who really struggle with the one-on-one behaviour chat.

Trauma-informed practice

Where I draw a lot of this technique from is PD I did at the first school I worked at. The school was located in a very low-socioeconomic area, with students who had and were experiencing horrendous trauma in their day-to-day lives. You can imagine sitting quietly in a classroom doing maths was rarely the top priority for young people who didn’t know if they’d have anything to eat when they got home from school. As such, we did quite a bit of PD on trauma-informed practice. Despite being at a very different school now, I use a lot of what I learnt during these PDs in my regular practice - usually basic things like asking students before turning a page in their homework books or asking them who their carer/guardian is (if I don’t know) before automatically referencing “mum” or “dad” in conversation. These probably have little impact on the majority of the students I interact with, but would be extremely important to the few who need them, rendering them very much worth my while.

However, there is one technique that I would still say is a game changer for me. This is simply asking a student if they’re okay.

The check-in

I don’t need to speak to students outside of class all that often for behaviour concerns, but when I do, every conversation starts with a check-in: “are you okay?” or perhaps, “hey, what’s going on?”.

While I'm not a particularly angry person, I find that by starting conversations like this, I remind myself that the purpose of this conversation is to support the student - not reprimand them. It gives me a moment to think about why I’m talking to the student and immediately positions the conversation as being student-centric. Unsurprisingly, it will often catch students off-guard too. Students know why they’ve been called to chat to you privately, and often, they will come prepared with either a defense or a dismissal of whatever you’re going to say, rendering the entire conversation useless. By asking if they’re okay, you’re opening up the chance to have a productive conversation when it might not have previously gone this way.

I’d love to say that at this point, the student immediately tells me what the cause for their behaviour is, we fix it and go on to have happy and uninterrupted maths lessons for the rest of time, but you can imagine that this isn’t even the case most of the time.

The explanation

Regardless of the student response, I will generally now explain to them why I was asking. Rather than saying they were misbehaving or weren’t following rules, I’ll tell them that they’ve seemed out of character, distracted or “a little bit out of it” lately and that I wanted to check in because I was worried and got the sense that something wasn’t right. Maybe I’ll bring up the specific behaviours I’ve noticed, but this will depend on how elevated the student seems - if they’re elevated, the conversation is not going to be productive, so your focus should be on de-escalation initially.

The thing is, even for students who frequently display disruptive behaviours, there was still a trigger that caused you to react differently and call them outside this time. That’s the behaviour that is “out of sorts” for them, and so you have an answer if they ask what you mean. Regardless, I reiterate the question: “so, is everything alright at the moment?”.

This is when I try to gather information from the student. I’ll offer some very general prompts if they haven’t already volunteered information. I might ask if something in the lesson isn’t working for them or if something else is making things difficult in class. At this point, I will say that’s crucially important to respect the student’s privacy and not pry any further. My questions are very much focused on my classroom, even if I don’t think the issue is stemming from anything in the room. Even if students don’t offer information, you still have something to work with, and you’ve still demonstrated to them that they are your top priority in this. You can still move on and let them know you’re here if anything comes up, but you would jump right over my “acknowledging and solving” step, and move into addressing the behaviour.

Acknowledging and solving (without altering standards!)

Hopefully you have some idea what the cause could be at this point, and you can address it with the student. At this point, I acknowledge and check with the student that I’ve understood what they’ve said to me. Usually I ask them something to the effect of, “am I right in saying that *insert issue here* is making things challenging at the moment?”. I check that I’ve understood and acknowledge it by letting them know that I can see how that would be an issue for them. Then I discuss how I might be able to help solve the problem for them - my focus still isn’t on their behaviour, but rather on me supporting them. Importantly, I do not drop my classroom expectations at this point. Let’s talk through some examples of how this might look.

This might be the product of the subject I teach, but a common response I get is that the students are in some way dissatisfied with the current content in maths - finding it too easy, too difficult or they just tell me they hate the subject. Great, I acknowledge whatever they’ve said, and let them know what I can do to support that. It could be explaining where the course will go and how it’s about to get challenging, what they can do when they’re really stuck on a problem (eg. writing me a question or drawing a symbol on their mini whiteboard) or talking about how I know they might not want to do maths, but I’d like to make the lessons as enjoyable as possible for them.

If the issue is something social, I will ask the student how I can make my class more comfortable for them. This could just be moving them away from or nearer to somebody in the seating plan. Often this is also useful for other teachers and it’s worth asking the student if you can let other teachers know to be mindful of the situation, without giving details. I make a point of saying that I want to make sure they’re okay in my class, and again, really focus on asking the student what they need. I’ll then ask if/what support they’d like managing this problem outside of class.

In any case, if I get stuck on what to do, I ask the student what will make my class a better experience for them. There’s no harm asking them, and there’s no harm sending them away to have a think about what could happen in your class to best support them (so long as you remember to check in with them again). If students suggest something that isn’t doable without me altering my classroom procedures or standards, I’ll tell them that, and try offer a counter-suggestion that is doable.

The behaviour, the plan and the consequence

Finally, I speak about the behaviour that caused the student to be sent out, provided they’re calm enough for me to have this chat in the moment. I start by letting them know what I’m going to do to support them, based on our previous conversations, and often will ask them if they know why I’ve called them to chat with me. Usually they’ll state the behaviour, but if not, I will tell them specifically what they did. I’ll reiterate the rules around this and how I want to support them, but I have the responsibility to make sure every student in my class is given the opportunity to learn and so exhibiting *insert specific behaviour* is something that I can’t allow in the classroom. Then I ask the student what we’re going to do about it. You’ll be amazed by how many students just say “I just won’t do it anymore!”

I use this to direct the conversation a bit to come up with some form of a plan to make sure it doesn’t happen. This could be the student coming up to me at the start of class if they’re having a bad day to let me know (I never alter my standards for them, but the fact we have a mutual understanding is usually enough to stop any low-level disruptions), them writing questions on their mini whiteboard instead of calling out, or might have been solved by our agreements above.

We will also then discuss a consequence if it continues. This needs to be something doable and clear, so that you can follow through if needed, and should be in line with your school’s behaviour management policy. This could simply be inviting a head of school or year coordinator to future meetings if they need to occur.

The reminder

After all of this, it doesn’t mean your classroom will be free of disruption. What you now have thought is a tool for future conversations. If the same student is disruptive, this is when you can give them the quick, friendly, quiet reminder of your last chat. Again, in most cases, this seems to be enough for students to recall what they’ve agreed upon and return to the expected behaviours.

If it’s not, you have the ability to chat to them, again checking in first, out of class time and letting them know that the current plan hasn’t worked, and you’d like to know how else you can support them. If you had a consequence planned, this is when you would enact it.

In conclusion

This is by no means a silver bullet for behaviour management, but it’s a framework to help you develop your own way of guiding what can be pretty challenging conversations if you’ve never had them before. For me, these chats are usually pretty effective at de-escalating the situation, if nothing else, but often they allow you to work with a student to come up with a specific plan for them to address the behaviour and, often, its cause. As I said earlier, feel free to chime in and share other strategies or tips that work for you.